écrit par Rania Bennani
As soon as I was diagnosed with COVID19, I had to be confined to my own room. Can you imagine staying in your room for 14 full days? For some people, it might seem an easy thing to do. Staying in a room, all alone, sick and afraid of what might happen to you or those you care about. You live in a bubble full of bad thoughts which feels like an explosion in your brain sending your thoughts spiraling out of control. Being stuck in the bermuda triangle, getting dizzy and not even knowing what to do. I felt like I was trapped in a jail, entombed and cut off from the world. The gates and the bars of my jail prevented me from walking under the open sky. I dreamed of freedom, just as every prisoner. As if I was in solitary confinement for 2 weeks. Someone brings you your meals and runs away, afraid of getting touched by you. Trapped in four walls, no friends, no company. I suffocated in this tiny box, I couldn’t breath through this tiny hole of it. You know that nightmare… The worst kind… Where you try to scream or run away but you can’t move nor make a sound… That’s what I lived back then. I couldn’t help but feel worse and worse, sitting all alone worrying about myself and my family. I was all alone and I was lonely. I felt like a monster, scared of myself and what I could do to those I loved most only by one breath and touch. Everyday I woke up, I kept looking at the sun and the sky, wishing to get my freedom back, just like all the birds flying up high. Missing the feeling of my parent’s touch and love, all the laughs and family time we usually have. I couldn’t help but imagine every second of the day how it felt like being out with people, running around talking and feeling like you are actually a part of people around you. That first touch of the sun; feeling its warmth all over your skin, the first breath of the fresh air you took in a long time. Everyday felt the same, it was like reliving just one day of your whole life over and over again for a while non-stop. I was completely bored out of my mind. I was so unhappy and I was feeling furious. I knew that if I stayed that way, all depressed, drowning in anxiety, it would make everything even much worse. So, I just learned how to live with it and flow with it. I gave all my attention to every activity no matter how small or big it was, and it did help more than I could have thought of. Being confined is the hardest thing that could happen, but I never let it take the best of me. I’m much stronger than that. Days passed by, and I got better and better. Words could never describe how happy I was when my time finally came to an end. Being able to run free outside, feeling every touch of my parents and every inch of love from my loved ones was like being relieved from a burden. When I felt the warmth on my skin, the fresh cold air running through my lungs, the touch of the grass on my feet, and the voices of birds singing through my ears, that’s when I finally got my freedom back. That’s when I broke those walls of boredom that were haunting me, and that’s when I discovered the importance of many things that were once meaningless to me. That’s when I was finally alive again.